All About AmazinAdrielle - D!

After brainstorming some things relating to my life, I have created this lovely alphabet about me - so you can get to know me a little better! You can also find more information about me on my website =). 

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D is for...

Depression - when I learned (as a teenager) that my illness and disability would be long term, I didn't take the news very well. It was difficult to adjust to life in a bed or a chair, and being hardly able to think - after having been an active and intelligent kid and teenager up until then. I had hopes and dreams to have a career, find love, have kids, travel, and many other things - and at 18 years of age, it suddenly seemed that it had all been taken away. I was diagnosed with depression a few months later. I still battle with depression from time to time now, but I am nowhere near as bad as I was in the first few years after I was diagnosed. My bad days with depression now are directly linked to bad days with the physical and neurological symptoms of my illness and disability.

Disability - My disabilities are caused by a combination of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, POTS, SVT, and osteoarthritis, and the difficulties that their symptoms cause. I grapple with a range of symptoms every day, including: severe fatigue, problems with blood pressure, balance, memory and cognition, sensory disturbances, narcolepsy, tremors, tachycardia, heart palpitations, exercise intolerance, post-exertional malaise, flu-like symptoms, sore throat, tinnitus, depression, chronic severe disabling pain, chronic joint instability, multiple joint dislocations each day, numbness, tingling, muscle spasms, restless legs, nerve pain, nausea, tummy troubles, loss of appetite, fragile skin, and easy bruising. My conditions are managed with medication, physiotherapy, rest, and splints, tapes and braces for my joints. I use crutches, my wheelchair, or mobility scooters to get around, although I am usually not well enough to leave my house. I also like to decorate my mobility aids and splints =D.

Digital art - I started making digital art around nine years ago. When I first started, most of the artwork I created was related to the Puzzle Pirates game. Since then, I have also created logos, pixel art, and art and animations in 2 and 3D. I also like to draw on my iPad (mainly using ArtRage or ProCreate).

DeviantArt - I have a profile on DeviantArt, and enjoy sharing my art, craft and writing on there =D.

In addition, I have many doctors, I love drawing and designing things, and I used to train and study dance and drama before I got too sick. I also dream in colour.

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The next installment in this alphabet will be coming soon! 

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All About AmazinAdrielle - C!

After brainstorming some things relating to my life, I have created this lovely alphabet about me - so you can get to know me a little better! You can also find more information about me on my website =). 

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C is for...

Creativity - I love being creative! My hobbies include many different kinds of art and craft - and cross-stitch!  =).

Crosswords - I have been doing crossword puzzles since I was a kid, and I started buying crossword magazines (mainly from Lovatts) when I was 14 years old. It isn't a hobby that my friends understood growing up... but I still love doing crosswords!

Circus - When I was a teenager, I was a circus performer. My favourite things to do were contortion, acrobatics, hoop dives, diablo, juggling, plate spinning, rola bola, tightwire, and hula hoops! I had to give up training and performing due to illness when I was 19 years old, but I love that I got the chance to experience life in the circus!

Certificate III in Media - a course I studied through AIE, specializing in 3D animation for film, games and TV. Two of the projects I completed were The Factory and The Race =).

Collapsed lung - which I had when I was 15 years old. My lung collapsed in a way which meant that all the escaped air was placing pressure on my heart. I also had pneumonia at the time, and spent seven days in hospital, but I recovered well =).

Cardiologist - because I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I need to have regular heart checks from a cardiologist. So far, my heart is healthy, apart from POTS and SVT, and my cardiologist is awesome =D.

In addition, I have two canaries (Honey and Treacle), I began learning CSS (and HTML) last year, and my favourite part of the year is Christmas! I also enjoy cake decorating, and collecting pretty and useful things!

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The next installment in this alphabet will be coming soon! 

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All About AmazinAdrielle - B!

After brainstorming some things relating to my life, I have created this lovely alphabet about me - so you can get to know me a little better! You can also find more information about me on my website =).

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B is for...

Bejeweled - I am addicted to Bejeweled games on my iPad - mainly Butterflies, Poker, Diamond Mine, and Lightening!

Bees - I am allergic to bee stings - but this doesn't stop me from really liking bees! They are really cute when you watch them! Bzzz!

Bachelor of Behavioural Science - the degree I completed at La Trobe University in 2009. I studied a range of subjects in the fields of psychology, behavioural neuroscience, sociology, statistics, management communications and scientific research. It was a really interesting course, and I got great marks and enjoyed my time studying =). Unfortunately, due to my worsening medical problems, I was unable to accept my place in the honours year class - which made me sad. However, I am very glad that I was able to complete the three years that I did before my illness and disability became too severe for me to continue =D. I love studying and learning new things!

Braces - having Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), I need to wear a lot of splints, braces and supports to keep my joints in place (they dislocate very easily - even in my sleep). I got my newest braces in January. They are for my knees - and are glittery purple! My new braces mean that I can walk around on short trips - instead of always having to use my wheelchair!

Bruising - another symptom of EDS is easy bruising. Some bruises even give themselves a tick of approval!

Butterflies - as well as being cute and looking pretty as they flutter around my garden, butterflies of specific colours are the awareness symbols for some of the medical conditions I suffer from. Blue butterflies are a symbol of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), and a purple butterfly is used for fibromyalgia =). I also like making little animated pixel butterflies, cross-stitching and beading butterflies, and taking photos of butterflies (and other creatures)!

 

Budgies - Last year, Ellenya and I adopted two baby budgies from the local market! Snowy (the whiter budgie) and Petri (the blue, black and white budgie) are SO INCREDIBLY CUTE! We love them! They are very friendly, and love to chatter away and play with their toys =D.

B is also for beaches (which I visit rarely, but adore), beading (one of my hobbies), and Baconian Feasts (a feast of bacon, eggs and toast of mythical proportions)!

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The next installment in this alphabet will be coming soon! 

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All About AmazinAdrielle - A!

After brainstorming some things relating to my life, I have created this lovely alphabet about me - so you can get to know me a little better! You can also find more information about me on my website =)

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A is for...

Australia - the country where I live.

Animals - I love animals of all kinds, but I have a phobia of really big goannas and I am allergic to bee stings. I share my house with two budgies (Petri and Snowy), two canaries (Honey and Treacle), a severum (Shortie), three angelfish (Pearlie, Rain and Nilla), two silver sharks (Big Sharkie and Little Sharkie), two turtles (Franklin and Shelley), and a cat (Moke). They are part of my family =D. I also like to photograph all kinds of creatures!

Art and animation - two of my greatest creative passions! I used to make fan art and contest entries for the Puzzle Pirates game, and was very happy to have my portrait backgrounds, trinkets and scene designs appear in the game =). I have won prizes for my digital and traditional artwork over the years, and I still dream of one day becoming an artist.

AIE - where I studied certificate III in media! Some of my assignments can be seen on my YouTube channel.

Lastly, from the name of my blog and my Twitter account, you may also have noticed that I like alliteration =D

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The letter B in this alphabet will be coming soon! =)

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I Don't Want to be Scared to Create Anymore!

I hate that lately I've been too scared and self-conscious to create and share my work freely. I feel like I can't express myself easily without art, craft and writing - and being unable to create makes me feel idle, bored and depressed. 

The trouble started about seven months ago, when I had a terrible reaction to heart medication that had been prescribed by my cardiologist. The pills were beta-blockers, and were supposed to help with POTS and SVT, however, taking them almost resulted in me losing my mind. 

I was warned that there would be side effects, but I was told they would subside within a week or two. Only they didn't subside, and I became too out-of-it to realize that the medication was responsible for the way I was feeling. Among other things, I had repetitive ultra-realistic nightmares of my own death (which I would then re-experience as flashbacks or dissociative episodes during the day), and an overwhelming fear of my own imminent death would suddenly come over me at random times. I had panic attacks that made my whole body numb, and severe anxiety that I couldn't shake. It was the worst thing that I have ever experienced in my life. 

Anyway, I have blogged about the side effects I experienced on beta blockers before. To make the long story short, I ended up stopping taking the medication. I figured the heart problems could not be worse than the side effects of the tablets. After stopping the medication, my several-a-day panic attacks became once-a-week, then once-in-a-while. I have now not had a panic attack in several months! All of my side effect symptoms improved but for some residual anxiety. 

This residual anxiety is still a problem, because since then, I have felt uneasy creating art and craft, and I feel especially nervous about sharing my creations. Thoughts of having it judged negatively by my friends or by those I admire trigger my anxiety to the point where I now find myself sharing very little at all. 

I used to hate the way that society made other people scared to be creative. It made me sad when people would forewarn when sharing things they had drawn or made, using sentences like: "I'm not an artist, but...". I felt like they were somehow trying to distance themselves from their creation so that others judgments couldn't hurt them, and it made me sad that people would feel that way. However, lately, I have caught myself doing exactly this! It somehow feels like other people's opinions matter more now. I think I have lost the resilience that I used to have before my experiences with anxiety and the other side effects that my heart tablets caused. 

I keep wondering how I can get back to being how I was before I took those awful pills, and how I can stop caring so much about what other people think of me and my work. It seems that this is not an easy task. I used to focus on the fact that the worth of creative works is subjective and that no matter how many people didn't like what I made, somewhere, someone would - even if that someone was me!

I suppose that like getting rid of the panic attacks and other symptoms, getting rid of this residual anxiety will take time. I'm sure that it won't disappear if I hide my creativity, though. So wish me luck as I embark on the next leg of my journey to beat anxiety. It won't be easy. but I am sure it will be worth it.

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Toe Woes!

On Sunday, I clumsily kicked the sink in our bathroom and stubbed two of my toes. My middle toe took the brunt of the force, and my second toe hit it as well. As soon as I'd done it, my middle toe went completely numb. I was a little worried, because I had hit it really hard, and numbness didn't seem like a good sign - but I was happy it wasn't hurting, and I had a lot to do - so I pretty much ignored it. To tell the truth, I was probably more upset that I had chipped my rainbow nail polish! 

Sunday, just after the toe met the sink/its foe.

The second and middle toes started to bruise pretty much straight away - in a line where they had hit the sink - but it wasn't painful. Apart from a very dull ache, I couldn't feel it at all! It was still numb.

That night, it was still completely numb. I figured I must have hurt the nerve in it somehow. It took until yesterday to actually gain the feeling back in the toe - and it started to REALLY HURT! 

Sunday night. Ignore the washing in the background.

Given that I dislocate lots of bones, and take daily pain killers, I guess the pain could have been masked a bit at first. Last night, however, it became unbearable, and I ended up at the local hospital. 

The toe on Tuesday/yesterday.

I felt a little bit embarrassed, and worried that I might have been wasting their time, but they were really nice and sympathetic. The doctor examined the offending toes, and my foot - and made the weird discovery that the bottom of the middle of my foot was still numb. I could not feel him touching the middle at all - and the area either side was quite tingly! 

He decided that I had to have x-rays. I didn't have to wait very long at all! A specialist is going to double check the x-ray today, and call if there is a problem, but the doctor could see no obvious fractures.

The toe - all splinted and comfy!

The doctor splinted the toe of woe with bits of metal and foam, and told me that I can't walk on it -at all- for two whole weeks! After two weeks, I have to get it checked again. Two weeks seems like a long time for a toe, but I will do as he says. Hopefully the weird nerve numbness will have healed by then, and the pain and swelling will have settled down =D. I was able to sleep last night, as it was much more comfortable with the splint on it - so I am happy! 

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UPDATE:

After a week of immobilization, rest and elevation, some of the darker bruising had started to fade, and more bruising started to come out on my foot. 

After a week in a splint.

By the weekend, I still couldn't walk on my toes (the doctor said not to, but the pain was just too bad if I tried to touch them to the floor!) 

At the weekend. 

I managed to get outside (with crutches) for Australia Day lunch, though =).

Relaxing in the sunshine on Australia Day!

It has been a week and a half now since I went to the hospital. My toes are looking and feeling much better! They aren't keeping me awake at night anymore, and I'm not taking extra pain medication for them. Hopefully by next week I will be able to walk around with them on the floor again! =D

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