A RANT! (And some other stuff)

Well, the last couple of days have been really hard. My CFS/ME symptoms have been bad, and my mind has been all over the place. On top of the usual exhaustion, pain and the multitude of other symptoms that I get, I was so nauseous all day today that I could barely eat or shower, and my computer screen was giving me motion sickness! I am feeling stressed and worried that what I thought was my symptoms getting better and paving the way to a long-awaited "good patch" was just a cruel false alarm. I try not to be too negative, but seriously - sometimes everyone needs to rant! lol =D.

Anyway, to top everything off, a so-called (now x-) friend (whom I have had for ages, and whom I know thinks I am a hypochondriac because this person does not believe in ME/CFS) was the last straw - I guess this person is the real reason that I am ranting! In the past, this person has told me that 'people create their own circumstances', and basically that 'people don't just get sick, it is because of something that they have done'. This person also once said that if I 'stopped thinking negatively, and stopped believing that I had an illness, and that if I told myself that I would wake up cured on a certain day, it would happen'. Tonight, this person really got to me again. I don't think I will be talking to them again (the problem with me is that I just talk to everyone, though! I can't seem to help myself! :S).

Anyways, I had to have my latest round of blood tests this week, which is always fun! I had to fast for twelve hours, so after I had the blood tests I got some sushi =). I always think, it would be nice if the blood tests found something that was causing my symptoms and that could be quickly and easily fixed, and that I didn't have ME/CFS, they had just made a mistake! lol - sadly, that hasn't happened yet!

On top of my health worries (and x-friends) I am worried about my axolotl, Artemis. She is acting sick, and I don't know why. She is trying to get oxygen all the time, like she just can't get enough. We put another air stone in the tank in the hope that it might help her, but she is hardly eating anything, and I am worried sick about her! She is my baby, and was my birthday present last year. I look after her and her tank-mate, Almond myself. I vacuum their tank and feed them, no matter how sick I am. My axolotls are incredibly special to me! I hope with all my heart that she is going to be ok. 

On a more positive note, I have been working on my cross-stitch (the big orchid one that I mentioned in an earlier blog). It is about a sixth of the way done now (I think) and so far, it has no mistakes. I am proud of it =D! Speaking of proud, I am trying to get a list of my skills, experience and achievements together. I guess what I am making is similar to a resume, although I am too ill to work at the moment. I would just like to be organised, so that when I do feel better, I have these things ready to go! I have to clean out my drawers - the ones that contain all my bank statements and university papers and things, but haven't had the energy.


Anyways, I have an assignment to do for my 3D art and animation course. I keep putting it off because I just can't concentrate. I have started it, I just haven't managed to get very far! Lucky my course doesn't have any fixed deadlines! I hope I can find a time when my mind is clearer soon, so that I can get it finished and submitted =).

~Adrielle =)