I got my new iPad this week!!! It is so awesome! It has a hot pink case and I can use Twitter on it instead of having to sit up with my PC when I am dead tired! I am still trying to figure out how to blog from it though - and heavy-duty screen protector to protect it from my clumsiness. I can lie in bed and play with it, answer my emails, and go on lol! It keeps saying that it has an error when I try...
Anyways, this week I have been having the worst ME/CFS week I have had in a very very long time. Two days ago, I honestly thought I was going to die or something. I couldn't walk down the hallway! My legs just kept bending by themselves and wouldn't cooperate. Eventually, I got back to my bed, and then I couldn't move. I wanted to lift my hand, but it just wouldn't! It was scary as!
I was all alone and panicking, so I think I ended up spamming my poor Twitter friends with my panickiness (later that night when I had recovered enough to tweet). I was scared that I was going to get worse and become bedridden and not be able to do anything any more. Luckily, my awesome Twitter friends (who also have ME/CFS) calmed me down and reassured me. They made me see that even if I did get worse for a while, it didn't mean I wouldn't get better again.
They also made me realise that the worsening of my symptoms was probably just because of my recent interrupted sleep. I have been getting a lot of hay fever and asthma and not being able to sleep at night because of it. The night before last, I took some antihistamine that was meant to make me drowsy, and it worked! I had a much better night sleep, and yesterday I wasn't nearly as zombie like!
Last night I woke up several times with asthma again (even though I took more of that antihistamine last night lol) and today I am suffering the consequences. I got to go out for lunch (which was the best lunch ever!!! We went to an Indian restaurant), but I had to sleep all afternoon once we got home.I found it very hard to get out of bed and come out to the lounge room this evening (although my legs let me walk today, so I am a million times better than that other day! lol).
I am going to the doctor tomorrow, so I will talk to her about it. I think I might need a stronger asthma preventer or something. I went to this other doctor that isn't my normal one, and he took me off my normal medication and put me on something else. I have since switched back to my original medication because the other thing he gave me just wasn't working - but I blame the change for stuffing up my usually well controlled asthma :P. That other doctor just didn't understand.
I am also planning to talk to my normal doctor about passiflora - a friend suggested it would help me to sleep. I am allergic to a lot of herbal remedies though, so I don't want to take anything without checking first, lol. I also want to talk to her about my ME/CFS in general, as well as my bad patch. I want to ask how I go about getting government assistance for getting a mobility scooter, so that on good days I can go places by myself (I cant walk around much at all, and I would like to go places without having to be pushed in a wheelchair by members of my family).
In other news, I am getting worried about not keeping up with my coursework for my animation course. The original goals that I set myself are falling by the wayside since I went on holidays (I just haven't had the focus to complete my assignment since we got back; annoying brain fog!). Hopefully once I am sleeping better, I will be okay, and back to at least the way I was (if not better).
Lastly, I drew some more pictures. I drew one for Kecapmanis to use as a forum avatar =). She has her brand new black and bronze karkinos that she won on Puzzle Pirates standing proudly beside her in the picture. She liked it, so I am happy!
~Adrielle =)
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Cooling Pad, the Bakery and a Portrait of Me!
Well on Wednesday, Jollyrob and Ellenya were both sick, so we didn't get to go out for lunch. Kecap and I went to the chemist, the electrical store, and the supermarket though, so I got to go out at least. I was really glad that we got to go to the electrical store because I got a new cooling pad for my laptop! It is a really flash one; it's really big, has an ergonomic adjustable angle thingy on the bottom, and has a shelf at the front to stop the laptop from sliding around! =D It is also quieter than my old one. I am very pleased with it!
Today Jollyrob and Ellenya had to go to the doctor... which happens to be next door to a bakery, so we had to have lunch there! Apparently, they are so sick that Kecap and Jollyrob won't be going away for the weekend =(.
Tonight I tried some new drawing techniques, and came up with this! I'm not sure about the shadowy outline, but I like the picture overall.
~Adrielle =)
Today Jollyrob and Ellenya had to go to the doctor... which happens to be next door to a bakery, so we had to have lunch there! Apparently, they are so sick that Kecap and Jollyrob won't be going away for the weekend =(.
Tonight I tried some new drawing techniques, and came up with this! I'm not sure about the shadowy outline, but I like the picture overall.
~Adrielle =)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Monkey, the Failing Cooling Pad, and the Pirate!
Today was a pretty uneventful day. I woke up after 11am (which is so weird! I usually wake up before 9am, often before 8am!) I guess my house was just nice and quiet, so I could snooze. It was all quiet and relaxing all day, really.
Kecapmanis got a monkey familiar on Puzzle Pirates today. She named it Monyet, and let me wear it to get a portrait in-game! I am jealous that she has a monkey! They are so cute! I want one! lol
Anyway, in real life, I need a new cooling pad for my laptop. Mine is dying! It makes odd noises and keeps cutting out. I have to keep tapping it to make it work! I am hoping to buy a new one tomorrow - because it is pay day. Hopefully I will feel up to going out (and maybe we can go out for lunch too if I use my wheelchair for the trip to get the cooling pad!)
Lastly, in my uneventful day, I drew a picture of a pirate! (As usual, I couldn't stop at one version of it. The other versions can be seen in my gallery - here.)
~Adrielle =)
Kecapmanis got a monkey familiar on Puzzle Pirates today. She named it Monyet, and let me wear it to get a portrait in-game! I am jealous that she has a monkey! They are so cute! I want one! lol
Anyway, in real life, I need a new cooling pad for my laptop. Mine is dying! It makes odd noises and keeps cutting out. I have to keep tapping it to make it work! I am hoping to buy a new one tomorrow - because it is pay day. Hopefully I will feel up to going out (and maybe we can go out for lunch too if I use my wheelchair for the trip to get the cooling pad!)
Lastly, in my uneventful day, I drew a picture of a pirate! (As usual, I couldn't stop at one version of it. The other versions can be seen in my gallery - here.)
~Adrielle =)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Lunch and A Movie =D
Today, Ellenya and I went out to lunch and to the movies =D. It was fun! We had lunch at La Porchetta. Their service was unusually bad... I guess maybe it was because it is a public holiday today, and there were different staff on than usual. It took them over 20 minutes to take our order (they eventually came over because Ellenya was pulling glarey faces at them). When the food finally came, they had made a mistake with mine. I ended up with something tomatoey (I am kinda intolerant/allergic or something to tomatoes - I can't eat anything with a lot of tomatoes, especially if they are uncooked :S). Anyway, they fixed their mistake, and eventually brought me what I had asked for. I was starving by the time it came - luckily because it was a monster serving! I could only eat about half of it! :S I always feel guilty wasting food, but seriously - there was no way I could get through that much. It was really nice though!
After lunch, Ellenya and I headed next door to the cinema. We were really glad that we had pre-bought our tickets. The line was down the stairs and out the door! We took the lift up, and sat upstairs for a while before buying drinks and snacks. The line for tickets seemed to go on forever! The movie we saw was Shrek Forever After. It so CAN NOT be the last Shrek film they make! =( =( =( It was awesome in 3D. It would be amazing to work on something like that one day.
When we got home, I fell asleep for a few hours, then went and sat in the lounge for a while. Ellenya fed my axolotls for me (I am really grateful for that because I was really tired). Artemis refused to eat (she has been picky this week - I'm not sure why). Almond is always hungry... last night he decided my knuckle looked tasty. They are such cuties!
Later tonight, I drew a picture of my friend Sinistergoat from Puzzle Pirates =D. I ended up having about eight different versions of it! Now I am looking for someone or something to draw next (once again - if anyone has any suggestions, tweet them to me! The link is in the sidebar of this blog =D).
Anyway, one day this week I hope to get to the Indian restaurant in my town. I found out that they do lunches, and their food looks and sounds so awesome! I love food, lol =D
~Adrielle =)
After lunch, Ellenya and I headed next door to the cinema. We were really glad that we had pre-bought our tickets. The line was down the stairs and out the door! We took the lift up, and sat upstairs for a while before buying drinks and snacks. The line for tickets seemed to go on forever! The movie we saw was Shrek Forever After. It so CAN NOT be the last Shrek film they make! =( =( =( It was awesome in 3D. It would be amazing to work on something like that one day.
When we got home, I fell asleep for a few hours, then went and sat in the lounge for a while. Ellenya fed my axolotls for me (I am really grateful for that because I was really tired). Artemis refused to eat (she has been picky this week - I'm not sure why). Almond is always hungry... last night he decided my knuckle looked tasty. They are such cuties!
Later tonight, I drew a picture of my friend Sinistergoat from Puzzle Pirates =D. I ended up having about eight different versions of it! Now I am looking for someone or something to draw next (once again - if anyone has any suggestions, tweet them to me! The link is in the sidebar of this blog =D).
Anyway, one day this week I hope to get to the Indian restaurant in my town. I found out that they do lunches, and their food looks and sounds so awesome! I love food, lol =D
~Adrielle =)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Forest!
Yesterday, I drew a portrait of my Puzzle Pirate, Adrielle. I like the new style of cartoony art I have discovered! It is relatively easy to create, and I like the way it looks, lol! I might make some more free forum avatars for my Puzzle Pirate friends later on (tomorrow, not tonight).
Anyway, today we went to the forest for a barbecue. It was nice - we roasted marshmallows on the fire and everything! =D The only bad thing was that I was having a bad ME/CFS day, and I was so sick by the time I got home, I slept until dinner time! I then got up and had dinner - but then I was so sick I had to go back to bed again. That was a few hours ago. I still don't feel good, but I can get up and type now, so that's a big improvement! =D Now I am half-playing Puzzle Pirates, and half-watching Poirot on T.V.
~Adrielle =)
Anyway, today we went to the forest for a barbecue. It was nice - we roasted marshmallows on the fire and everything! =D The only bad thing was that I was having a bad ME/CFS day, and I was so sick by the time I got home, I slept until dinner time! I then got up and had dinner - but then I was so sick I had to go back to bed again. That was a few hours ago. I still don't feel good, but I can get up and type now, so that's a big improvement! =D Now I am half-playing Puzzle Pirates, and half-watching Poirot on T.V.
~Adrielle =)
Friday, June 11, 2010
My 6 Year Anniversary of Having ME/CFS
Well, this month marks six years since I was first diagnosed as having Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), and I thought I might write a bit of a reflection on the years since I got sick. When I was 18 years old, I was in year 12 at school (which is the final year for us Aussies). I was doing my VCE, and training with the circus at least five nights a week from 4pm-7pm (training could include sessions during the day, and weekends when preparing for a show). In the circus, I trained in many skills including tight wire, running, acrobatics, palates, ballet, modern dance/funk/hip-hop, juggling, plate spinning, and hula hoops. I took singing lessons once a week, and was in the school choir and juggle club, performing in both school productions and eisteddfods. I was learning to drive, and enjoyed making artwork as a hobby (I had been forced to drop art as a school subject even though I had loved and excelled at it because the classes were held at the same time as English literature classes, and I preferred the latter!) My favourite subjects at school were psychology and literature, and I was getting very good grades in them (I worked hard at school, and always managed to achieve decent grades in everything I studied). I wasn't overly into fashion, but I used to paint tiny pictures on my fingernails in nail polish - like flowers and tiny hearts. I was leading an extremely active life, and was looking forward to getting a decent ENTER score and going to university to study either psychology or arts.
When I first got sick, I thought I had tonsilitis, or some kind of other underlying infection. It was like I was coming down with the flu - only it never fully came, and I never got any better. I was aching all over, and feeling sick. I was sleeping all the time, but I was still always unbelievably tired. I was headachy and sick, and had a sore throat, and my brain was so foggy I couldn't seem to think straight or remember things! My doctors and specialists did a gazillion tests, eventually coming to the conclusion that I had ME/CFS. Upon hearing their diagnosis, I went into a sort of denial. My teenage self was sure I didn't have something that would last months or years! I was gonna get better - somehow they had gotten it wrong.
Not long after I was diagnosed with ME/CFS, my doctor put me on antidepressants, as I was finding it very hard to cope with all of the changes that were occurring in my life. As well as dealing with the many varied symptoms of my illness, I could no longer do any of the things I had previously loved to do! My hands were to achy, weak and shaky for me to write for long, or to draw or paint (on either canvas/paper or my fingernails); I had to try to type up notes for school during times when I had enough energy to do so, rather than write them; I had to give up learning to drive because my concentration was so affected; and I couldn't read and absorb text very well at all (although I could get by reading the same sentence several times and really trying to take it in). I was struggling and missing a lot of school, and some teachers and other students were putting pressure on me because I was never there. I had to leave the choir because of the time it now took me to get through the bare minimum of my school work, and because of my frequent absences from rehearsal. I could barely manage an hour of circus training every few nights, and they didn't understand ME/CFS. I was called lazy, and uncommitted by many people in many areas of my life.
So many people just didn't understand what ME/CFS is, and what it does to a person. My whole life had changed and I wasn't coping very well at all. If there were support services for people with ME/CFS around back then, I didn't know about them. (If I had have known about and had access to this, for example, I think it would have made my school life a lot easier!)
Dealing with the lack of understanding and lack of belief in my illness was very difficult, and I soon stopped telling friends about my diagnosis - making excuses from my lack of energy and constant illness, and trying to hide it. There were people who helped me out, though - my family were very supportive, and some of my teachers were as well. Without their help I never would've graduated from high school.
I ended up getting a high enough ENTER score to get into the course I wanted to get into - the Bachelor of Behavioural Science. I figured I may as well try to study while I was sick. I didn't want to put my life completely on hold and do nothing! I thought I'd get better pretty soon - after all, one of my doctors had said some people are better within a year, and I didn't expect my recovery to take even that long. I had been a pretty active person before, so I should weather illness better than other people, I thought.
My university course was full time, but had a low number of contact hours. I was able to go to class for an hour or two, then come home (with the help of Kecap's lovely driving) and sleep before going back for an hour or two in the afternoon. I worked my ass off when I was feeling up to it, and managed to pass my subjects quite well. I was especially proud of my achievements because I knew how hard I had worked and how hard it was for me to just get out of bed every day. Surprisingly, my first-year marks were so good, I was invited to join an Honours Society. I felt pretty special - they sent me a lapel pin and everything!
At the end of first year, I was still sure I'd get better before the following uni year started... but I didn't. For the last two years of my course, I continued to work as hard as I possibly could. I was unable to do much other than lie on the couch and study/sleep, so I alternated between these two activities. I wasn't up to going out, other than to sit in on an hour or two of classes at a time. My university videoed most lectures for me, so that I could watch them when I was feeling up to it, and so I didn't have to come into the uni for every lecture.
Even short trips with Kecap to buy milk at the supermarket saw me staggering in like a zombie, grabbing the milk, and trying not to pass out because I was so tired and dizzy. It was embarrassing and upsetting to me that I had no social life at all (especially when my uni friends were all going out and having fun), but it wasn't something I could help. I tried to keep up with my artwork at times when I had the energy to do so - I even won some prizes with some paintings I did of orchids. It's very hard to paint and draw when your hands don't want to co-operate.
By the end of my third year of uni, I was offered a place in honours in the city - something that I'd long dreamed of doing. I really didn't want to pass up the opportunity, and left it to the last minute to defer my study (in case I got better suddenly before the enrolment deadline). I ended up deferring study for a year - thinking that'd give me a whole year to get better. I'd been sick a long time - it had to end sooner or later, and then I could start really living again. Two of my friends completed honours that year; I'm eternally jealous. Although, neither of them talk to me any more. You tend to grow apart from people when you can't go anywhere or do anything much, sadly.
So, I had a year without study, which gave me the energy to shop sometimes, and to go out. It was during this time that I really discovered computers, the internet and computer art. These gave me a creative avenue to express myself without exerting too much energy, and people to chat to! By the end of that year, I'd accepted that I wouldn't be able to continue my study and do honours year (it broke my heart =(). The uni could no longer hold my place after one year of deferment, but I was told that I could apply to do honours at some later time in the future if I wanted to (although there was no guarantee I'd be accepted.)
It was also during that year that I decided to apply for Centrelink benefits - I needed money to live, and was not well enough to get a job at that time. Applying for this was the most difficult and stressful thing I have ever done in my entire life. The attitudes that the people I was forced to deal with held towards my illness were just appalling, as was the way I was treated by them. I was actually told by a job capacity assessor that ME/CFS was not a recognized illness, and that it was all in my head. She suggested that if I found a job I really liked, my ME/CFS would disappear -.-. I spent almost two years having to attend fortnightly meetings with them, during which I had to justify to them why I wasn't working, showing them that I'd applied for jobs (even though if I'd been offered any of these jobs I never would've been able to actually work at them!), and having my medical certificates and letters disputed. It was unfair, discriminatory and disgusting. I often felt like just giving up and forgetting the money - starving to death in the gutter seemed a much brighter alternative to attending these meetings.
Since then, (through much fighting) I have had my ME/CFS properly recognised by Centrelink, and I've been placed on a disability support pension. That means I have an income, and don't have to fight or attend meetings with [often ridiculously uneducated] people [who are placed in positions of power]. I continue to live with my parents and sister, with my mother (who is known here as Kecap) caring for me. I now use a wheelchair (I get pushed around - I got an approved disability parking thingy!) so I can go out for longer than half an hour at a time (walking just totally tires me out). I'm currently upset by the fact that I have very little independence - I want an electric mobility scooter so I can go on short trips by myself - but they cost a lot, and in order to get financial assistance I have to go see my doctor, then an occupational therapist. I'm nervous of telling new people about my life and my condition. There's still such an insane lack of understanding about ME/CFS, and not being understood is a dagger through your heart when you're already vulnerable.
My interest in computer art has grown massively since I became sick. I have recently had some of my artwork featured in the Three Rings online multi-player game, Puzzle Pirates. Also, this year, I have started doing an online media course in 3D art and animation for film, games and television! It is awesome, but it is taking me a long time to get through the coursework. Luckily, I can study at my own pace, and as the course is online, I don't have to waste any energy going out to classes. =D
Online support services have been a godsend to me - especially this last year. I have recently joined the website Foggy Friends - which has a forum and a chat room filled with supportive and understanding sufferers, carers and friends. The websites of ME/CFS Australia and the state sites are also a wealth of local information. I also recently learned about Spoon Theory - which, while not being written specifically for ME/CFS, is a great way of explaining the impact of illnesses like this on a sufferer's life!
Sometimes it seems like my life is incredibly hard, and that I can't keep going. But I have a good life really - it's a better life than a lot of people with ME/CFS have. I'm very thankful that I can shower every day (although sometimes I have to sit), and that I can go out in my wheelchair and see the world. I'm very glad I can type and talk to people online. I'm very glad I'm not bedridden, that I can think, dream, imagine, translate and share my ideas with others using my computer and iPod. I'm very glad I have an understanding doctor who can help me out, and understanding online friends whom I can talk to about anything and everything! I'm very glad I have a caring family who love and care for me, despite all the difficulties my illness causes. No matter how sick I get, I'm still the same creative and resourceful gal I was before I got sick. I just have to find different ways of using my skills now =D.
I hope I get better soon, and I still believe that it could happen any day - but I'm no longer waiting for my illness to vanish so that I can pick up my life where I left off. I'm now of the opinion that I should try to live the absolute best life that I can possibly live right now, with ME/CFS. Although it's difficult, and it's a mammoth struggle every day, I'm proud of the way I'm fighting this!
~Adrielle =)
Some ME/CFS links:
* ME/CFS fact sheet
* Foggy Friends
* ME/CFS Australia
* Spoon Theory
* Youth Pack
My Art:
* On DeviantArt
* Adrielle Site
* Puzzle Pirates Related Art
When I first got sick, I thought I had tonsilitis, or some kind of other underlying infection. It was like I was coming down with the flu - only it never fully came, and I never got any better. I was aching all over, and feeling sick. I was sleeping all the time, but I was still always unbelievably tired. I was headachy and sick, and had a sore throat, and my brain was so foggy I couldn't seem to think straight or remember things! My doctors and specialists did a gazillion tests, eventually coming to the conclusion that I had ME/CFS. Upon hearing their diagnosis, I went into a sort of denial. My teenage self was sure I didn't have something that would last months or years! I was gonna get better - somehow they had gotten it wrong.
Not long after I was diagnosed with ME/CFS, my doctor put me on antidepressants, as I was finding it very hard to cope with all of the changes that were occurring in my life. As well as dealing with the many varied symptoms of my illness, I could no longer do any of the things I had previously loved to do! My hands were to achy, weak and shaky for me to write for long, or to draw or paint (on either canvas/paper or my fingernails); I had to try to type up notes for school during times when I had enough energy to do so, rather than write them; I had to give up learning to drive because my concentration was so affected; and I couldn't read and absorb text very well at all (although I could get by reading the same sentence several times and really trying to take it in). I was struggling and missing a lot of school, and some teachers and other students were putting pressure on me because I was never there. I had to leave the choir because of the time it now took me to get through the bare minimum of my school work, and because of my frequent absences from rehearsal. I could barely manage an hour of circus training every few nights, and they didn't understand ME/CFS. I was called lazy, and uncommitted by many people in many areas of my life.
So many people just didn't understand what ME/CFS is, and what it does to a person. My whole life had changed and I wasn't coping very well at all. If there were support services for people with ME/CFS around back then, I didn't know about them. (If I had have known about and had access to this, for example, I think it would have made my school life a lot easier!)
Dealing with the lack of understanding and lack of belief in my illness was very difficult, and I soon stopped telling friends about my diagnosis - making excuses from my lack of energy and constant illness, and trying to hide it. There were people who helped me out, though - my family were very supportive, and some of my teachers were as well. Without their help I never would've graduated from high school.
I ended up getting a high enough ENTER score to get into the course I wanted to get into - the Bachelor of Behavioural Science. I figured I may as well try to study while I was sick. I didn't want to put my life completely on hold and do nothing! I thought I'd get better pretty soon - after all, one of my doctors had said some people are better within a year, and I didn't expect my recovery to take even that long. I had been a pretty active person before, so I should weather illness better than other people, I thought.
My university course was full time, but had a low number of contact hours. I was able to go to class for an hour or two, then come home (with the help of Kecap's lovely driving) and sleep before going back for an hour or two in the afternoon. I worked my ass off when I was feeling up to it, and managed to pass my subjects quite well. I was especially proud of my achievements because I knew how hard I had worked and how hard it was for me to just get out of bed every day. Surprisingly, my first-year marks were so good, I was invited to join an Honours Society. I felt pretty special - they sent me a lapel pin and everything!
At the end of first year, I was still sure I'd get better before the following uni year started... but I didn't. For the last two years of my course, I continued to work as hard as I possibly could. I was unable to do much other than lie on the couch and study/sleep, so I alternated between these two activities. I wasn't up to going out, other than to sit in on an hour or two of classes at a time. My university videoed most lectures for me, so that I could watch them when I was feeling up to it, and so I didn't have to come into the uni for every lecture.
Even short trips with Kecap to buy milk at the supermarket saw me staggering in like a zombie, grabbing the milk, and trying not to pass out because I was so tired and dizzy. It was embarrassing and upsetting to me that I had no social life at all (especially when my uni friends were all going out and having fun), but it wasn't something I could help. I tried to keep up with my artwork at times when I had the energy to do so - I even won some prizes with some paintings I did of orchids. It's very hard to paint and draw when your hands don't want to co-operate.
By the end of my third year of uni, I was offered a place in honours in the city - something that I'd long dreamed of doing. I really didn't want to pass up the opportunity, and left it to the last minute to defer my study (in case I got better suddenly before the enrolment deadline). I ended up deferring study for a year - thinking that'd give me a whole year to get better. I'd been sick a long time - it had to end sooner or later, and then I could start really living again. Two of my friends completed honours that year; I'm eternally jealous. Although, neither of them talk to me any more. You tend to grow apart from people when you can't go anywhere or do anything much, sadly.
So, I had a year without study, which gave me the energy to shop sometimes, and to go out. It was during this time that I really discovered computers, the internet and computer art. These gave me a creative avenue to express myself without exerting too much energy, and people to chat to! By the end of that year, I'd accepted that I wouldn't be able to continue my study and do honours year (it broke my heart =(). The uni could no longer hold my place after one year of deferment, but I was told that I could apply to do honours at some later time in the future if I wanted to (although there was no guarantee I'd be accepted.)
It was also during that year that I decided to apply for Centrelink benefits - I needed money to live, and was not well enough to get a job at that time. Applying for this was the most difficult and stressful thing I have ever done in my entire life. The attitudes that the people I was forced to deal with held towards my illness were just appalling, as was the way I was treated by them. I was actually told by a job capacity assessor that ME/CFS was not a recognized illness, and that it was all in my head. She suggested that if I found a job I really liked, my ME/CFS would disappear -.-. I spent almost two years having to attend fortnightly meetings with them, during which I had to justify to them why I wasn't working, showing them that I'd applied for jobs (even though if I'd been offered any of these jobs I never would've been able to actually work at them!), and having my medical certificates and letters disputed. It was unfair, discriminatory and disgusting. I often felt like just giving up and forgetting the money - starving to death in the gutter seemed a much brighter alternative to attending these meetings.
Since then, (through much fighting) I have had my ME/CFS properly recognised by Centrelink, and I've been placed on a disability support pension. That means I have an income, and don't have to fight or attend meetings with [often ridiculously uneducated] people [who are placed in positions of power]. I continue to live with my parents and sister, with my mother (who is known here as Kecap) caring for me. I now use a wheelchair (I get pushed around - I got an approved disability parking thingy!) so I can go out for longer than half an hour at a time (walking just totally tires me out). I'm currently upset by the fact that I have very little independence - I want an electric mobility scooter so I can go on short trips by myself - but they cost a lot, and in order to get financial assistance I have to go see my doctor, then an occupational therapist. I'm nervous of telling new people about my life and my condition. There's still such an insane lack of understanding about ME/CFS, and not being understood is a dagger through your heart when you're already vulnerable.
My interest in computer art has grown massively since I became sick. I have recently had some of my artwork featured in the Three Rings online multi-player game, Puzzle Pirates. Also, this year, I have started doing an online media course in 3D art and animation for film, games and television! It is awesome, but it is taking me a long time to get through the coursework. Luckily, I can study at my own pace, and as the course is online, I don't have to waste any energy going out to classes. =D
Online support services have been a godsend to me - especially this last year. I have recently joined the website Foggy Friends - which has a forum and a chat room filled with supportive and understanding sufferers, carers and friends. The websites of ME/CFS Australia and the state sites are also a wealth of local information. I also recently learned about Spoon Theory - which, while not being written specifically for ME/CFS, is a great way of explaining the impact of illnesses like this on a sufferer's life!
Sometimes it seems like my life is incredibly hard, and that I can't keep going. But I have a good life really - it's a better life than a lot of people with ME/CFS have. I'm very thankful that I can shower every day (although sometimes I have to sit), and that I can go out in my wheelchair and see the world. I'm very glad I can type and talk to people online. I'm very glad I'm not bedridden, that I can think, dream, imagine, translate and share my ideas with others using my computer and iPod. I'm very glad I have an understanding doctor who can help me out, and understanding online friends whom I can talk to about anything and everything! I'm very glad I have a caring family who love and care for me, despite all the difficulties my illness causes. No matter how sick I get, I'm still the same creative and resourceful gal I was before I got sick. I just have to find different ways of using my skills now =D.
I hope I get better soon, and I still believe that it could happen any day - but I'm no longer waiting for my illness to vanish so that I can pick up my life where I left off. I'm now of the opinion that I should try to live the absolute best life that I can possibly live right now, with ME/CFS. Although it's difficult, and it's a mammoth struggle every day, I'm proud of the way I'm fighting this!
~Adrielle =)
Some ME/CFS links:
* ME/CFS fact sheet
* Foggy Friends
* ME/CFS Australia
* Spoon Theory
* Youth Pack
My Art:
* On DeviantArt
* Adrielle Site
* Puzzle Pirates Related Art
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Framing!
Last night, I drew my final cat gal picture. I am finally satisfied with the way it turned out! Now I am looking for something else to draw... lol (If anyone has a suggestion, tweet it to me!)
Today, Kecapmanis, Ellenya and I went shopping! We only went to one discount shop, which I was happy about because I could get the picture frames I wanted, and it didn't take too much energy! We also went out to an Italian restaurant for lunch afterwards. I had calamari and chips, and an iced chocolate with plenty of whipped cream on the top. It was nice! The walk from the car to the resteraunt really tired me out, though. After lunch, Kecap went to Coles and to get a Visa voucher for me (yes - I needed it to buy those iPad accessories I mentioned yesterday!) - I was too tired to get out of the car.
When we got home, I sat on my bed and framed some pictures - a big version of this, this and this - the subject matter just melts my heart! I love my little turtle and my cattie! I also like having a queen-sized bed to spread out on. It is much more comfortable than sitting or lying on the floor to do things like framing when you are too tired to stand up!
Elle is still sick, and now Kecap is too... Hope they get better soon.
~Adrielle =)
Today, Kecapmanis, Ellenya and I went shopping! We only went to one discount shop, which I was happy about because I could get the picture frames I wanted, and it didn't take too much energy! We also went out to an Italian restaurant for lunch afterwards. I had calamari and chips, and an iced chocolate with plenty of whipped cream on the top. It was nice! The walk from the car to the resteraunt really tired me out, though. After lunch, Kecap went to Coles and to get a Visa voucher for me (yes - I needed it to buy those iPad accessories I mentioned yesterday!) - I was too tired to get out of the car.
When we got home, I sat on my bed and framed some pictures - a big version of this, this and this - the subject matter just melts my heart! I love my little turtle and my cattie! I also like having a queen-sized bed to spread out on. It is much more comfortable than sitting or lying on the floor to do things like framing when you are too tired to stand up!
Elle is still sick, and now Kecap is too... Hope they get better soon.
~Adrielle =)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Art, Axolotls, and Adrielleish Awesomeness!
Last night, I added three new "Cat Gal" pictures to my Deviant Art Gallery. I drew the outline using Sumo Paint, and then coloured it in using GIMP. I then added some filter effects using Photoshop (mine is CS4)- so it was a multi program affair! lol (Sumo Paint is a great free online program with some really nice tools! GIMP is free, and is a lot like Photoshop - but you need to download it. And just for any artists who would like to peruse, I will post a link to - my list of art tutorials, tips and programs! It is on Yppedia, the Puzzle Pirates Wikipedia, but most of the links are relevant to various kinds of computer art).
In other news, today, I got a new portrait for my Puzzle Pirate Adrielle on Viridian. It is a shame that my character and her fruit basket cover up so much of Dexla's lovely artwork, though =(. I am planning my entry into this month's portrait background contest on Puzzle Pirates. I can't really draw stuff in the right style, I don't think - but I always try! One time I did get lucky, with my Lucky Swirls background ending up in-game =D =D =D! I was so excited and shocked! hehe
Anyway, I had hoped to go to Albury today to the discount shop to get a photo frame (for this giant turtley poster that I got from the Aquarium when we went on our holiday), but Kecapmanis said no and I have no way of getting there other than via her. =( Disappointing. I can't wait til I get a mobility scooter so I can go places (I am about a month away in my saving!) They apparently fold to fit in "most" car boots, so I am hoping it will fit in a taxi.
I am not a brilliant saver. I was going well until I bought my iPad... (which my latest email from Apple informs me is on the way!) And there are so many nice accessories for it! I just NEED a purple carry case and a pink skin and some screen protectors for it... lol! (Screen protectors are really necessary, I think. If I didn't use them on my iPod, it would be so scratched by now! This way I can just peel off the scratched layer and put another clean one on - brilliant invention! lol)
Anyway, my cute Almondy axolotl was in his rock cave this afternoon! I've never seen him go in there before! Usually he goes in the tree statue - which is a tight fit for him, but he seems to like to curl up in there. I bought the rock cave because I thought it would give him a hiding spot with more room (and because both axolotls liked to go inside the same statue at the same time, and they didn't really fit together in the tree - someone always ended up getting unceremoniously evicted) - but usually Almondy squeezes into the tree and his smaller tank mate, Artemis, goes into the rock cave.
Axolotls are so cute! Last night my sweetie Artemis swam up to me at feeding time because she was hungry. It is really cute when they act like crocodiles and surface to snap for their dinner! Later, at about 10pm when it was all dark, I went to get the thawed out ice brick out of their tank and Artemis was swimming around grinning! They are such lovely things!
Lastly, Ellenya is sick. Kecapmanis thinks it is food poisoning :S. Hope she gets better soon (and hope I don't get it :S).
~Adrielle =)
In other news, today, I got a new portrait for my Puzzle Pirate Adrielle on Viridian. It is a shame that my character and her fruit basket cover up so much of Dexla's lovely artwork, though =(. I am planning my entry into this month's portrait background contest on Puzzle Pirates. I can't really draw stuff in the right style, I don't think - but I always try! One time I did get lucky, with my Lucky Swirls background ending up in-game =D =D =D! I was so excited and shocked! hehe
Anyway, I had hoped to go to Albury today to the discount shop to get a photo frame (for this giant turtley poster that I got from the Aquarium when we went on our holiday), but Kecapmanis said no and I have no way of getting there other than via her. =( Disappointing. I can't wait til I get a mobility scooter so I can go places (I am about a month away in my saving!) They apparently fold to fit in "most" car boots, so I am hoping it will fit in a taxi.
I am not a brilliant saver. I was going well until I bought my iPad... (which my latest email from Apple informs me is on the way!) And there are so many nice accessories for it! I just NEED a purple carry case and a pink skin and some screen protectors for it... lol! (Screen protectors are really necessary, I think. If I didn't use them on my iPod, it would be so scratched by now! This way I can just peel off the scratched layer and put another clean one on - brilliant invention! lol)
Anyway, my cute Almondy axolotl was in his rock cave this afternoon! I've never seen him go in there before! Usually he goes in the tree statue - which is a tight fit for him, but he seems to like to curl up in there. I bought the rock cave because I thought it would give him a hiding spot with more room (and because both axolotls liked to go inside the same statue at the same time, and they didn't really fit together in the tree - someone always ended up getting unceremoniously evicted) - but usually Almondy squeezes into the tree and his smaller tank mate, Artemis, goes into the rock cave.
Axolotls are so cute! Last night my sweetie Artemis swam up to me at feeding time because she was hungry. It is really cute when they act like crocodiles and surface to snap for their dinner! Later, at about 10pm when it was all dark, I went to get the thawed out ice brick out of their tank and Artemis was swimming around grinning! They are such lovely things!
Lastly, Ellenya is sick. Kecapmanis thinks it is food poisoning :S. Hope she gets better soon (and hope I don't get it :S).
~Adrielle =)
Relaxing =D
Well, I have had a pretty nice couple of days since getting home from my holiday. I am still recovering from the trip ME/CFS-wise, but I am doing pretty good considering how long of a drive it was! I made sure that I got plenty of rest while I was away (although I didn't really have a choice most of the time - it was either lie down or act like a zombie and sooner or later fall down! lol) I am pretty happy that my family were so understanding about the amount of time I had to spend sleeping/sitting/lying down. I had been a bit worried that they wouldn't understand and it would be difficult. I am glad it wasn't! =D
Anyway, yesterday, Ellenya pushed me in my wheelchair and we went for a walk. It was fun! I wish we could do it every day - but it might kill Elle, lol! Also yesterday we got the Perspex to make my axolotl tank divider - dad hasn't cut it to size yet, though. I hope he does soon. I will feel more comfortable when I can section off my axolotls to keep Artemis bully free!
In other axolotl news, I am still searching for new foods for my babies. Meal worms and liver just don't seem varied/vitaminy enough, even though that is what the aquarium suggested. They also suggested that I could try earth worms if I wanted to give them some more variation. This could be an option! Yesterday I was looking at earth worm farms, but they are so expensive to buy! I think I will try to make one myself. I figure if I raise the worms myself, there is no chance of chemical contamination or anything, and they will be safe for me to feed to my guys. On a side note, I did buy them some frozen daphnia stuff that I thought might be good, but it thaws into dust - and my guys are hand fed, so it is no good as dust. The freshwater silver sharks seemed to like it, though- so it won't go to waste, lol! (Those guys love most things that the other fish don't like - even this nasty smelly discus food that the discuses wouldn't eat - the sharkies gobbled it all up lol!) I might try to get some brine shrimp - the baby turtles eat it, and it clumps together into a... well, clump - so it might be okay to hand feed to axolotls.
Anyway, yesterday, after getting the Perspex, Kecapmanis, Ellenya and I went to McDonalds for lunch. I had a very odd experience with a terribly badly made big mac! Now, usually big macs (from our McDonalds anyway) are made dogily - Kecap always teases the way that none of the parts line up and you always have to rearrange the burger before eating it. Well, yesterday I got one that took the cake.
Upon opening the big mac box, I was greeted with a terribly leaning-over burger. The meat (or whatever it really is) was hanging out on one side, and the cheese was hanging out the other. The whole thing had a kind of wrongness about it. It was not long before I figured out the real source of the wrongness... Somehow, the burger-maker had put a big mac base, followed by an inverted cheese burger bun top, followed by the regular ingredients (lettuce, cheese, meat, other bread, etc.) It was so odd! It was two-headed! It made me giggle so much! I wondered whether that is how the burger-maker made their bed each morning...
Anyway, today I had a pretty relaxing day, and didn't do anything much. I did play my computer, sleep, and have a shower, among other things lol! On Puzzle Pirates I got a new outfit for my pirate on the Viridian Ocean (see the pretty picture - it may become my forum avatar!).
~Adrielle =)
Anyway, yesterday, Ellenya pushed me in my wheelchair and we went for a walk. It was fun! I wish we could do it every day - but it might kill Elle, lol! Also yesterday we got the Perspex to make my axolotl tank divider - dad hasn't cut it to size yet, though. I hope he does soon. I will feel more comfortable when I can section off my axolotls to keep Artemis bully free!
In other axolotl news, I am still searching for new foods for my babies. Meal worms and liver just don't seem varied/vitaminy enough, even though that is what the aquarium suggested. They also suggested that I could try earth worms if I wanted to give them some more variation. This could be an option! Yesterday I was looking at earth worm farms, but they are so expensive to buy! I think I will try to make one myself. I figure if I raise the worms myself, there is no chance of chemical contamination or anything, and they will be safe for me to feed to my guys. On a side note, I did buy them some frozen daphnia stuff that I thought might be good, but it thaws into dust - and my guys are hand fed, so it is no good as dust. The freshwater silver sharks seemed to like it, though- so it won't go to waste, lol! (Those guys love most things that the other fish don't like - even this nasty smelly discus food that the discuses wouldn't eat - the sharkies gobbled it all up lol!) I might try to get some brine shrimp - the baby turtles eat it, and it clumps together into a... well, clump - so it might be okay to hand feed to axolotls.
Anyway, yesterday, after getting the Perspex, Kecapmanis, Ellenya and I went to McDonalds for lunch. I had a very odd experience with a terribly badly made big mac! Now, usually big macs (from our McDonalds anyway) are made dogily - Kecap always teases the way that none of the parts line up and you always have to rearrange the burger before eating it. Well, yesterday I got one that took the cake.
Upon opening the big mac box, I was greeted with a terribly leaning-over burger. The meat (or whatever it really is) was hanging out on one side, and the cheese was hanging out the other. The whole thing had a kind of wrongness about it. It was not long before I figured out the real source of the wrongness... Somehow, the burger-maker had put a big mac base, followed by an inverted cheese burger bun top, followed by the regular ingredients (lettuce, cheese, meat, other bread, etc.) It was so odd! It was two-headed! It made me giggle so much! I wondered whether that is how the burger-maker made their bed each morning...
Anyway, today I had a pretty relaxing day, and didn't do anything much. I did play my computer, sleep, and have a shower, among other things lol! On Puzzle Pirates I got a new outfit for my pirate on the Viridian Ocean (see the pretty picture - it may become my forum avatar!).
~Adrielle =)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Home Again!
Well, I am home from my holiday (and have had almost a day to recover)! Unfortunately, while we were away, one of our discus fish (Ruby, a coral-coloured discus) passed away :(. We got home at about 8pm last night to find that the whole big warm freshwater tropical fish tank in our kitchen had suffered a fungal outbreak due to high ammonia (possibly connected to Ruby's passing). This meant that Ellenya and Kecapmanis had to rush to clean out the tank and change half of the water to avoid losing any more fish. Elle also had to dose the tank with anti-fungal treatment. We think we got the treatment into the water early enough - thank goodness we weren't away for another day or two... On the upside, the turtles, axolotls, birds and cattie were all fine :) (The cattie was somewhat annoyed that we had left her for a week, and arrived home late to feed her..., and the turtles are still dry docking because of their shell rot, but are getting much better!)
Today, we had to go to the aquarium shop and ask about the finer points of fungal treatment. I also asked about my axolotls. I had some issues with Almondy (my bigger boy axolotl) harassing my princess Artemis (who is smaller and black and white). Apparently, I can put a divider in the tank at night (when the bullying is occurring) to keep my princess safe. The shop offered to swap Almondy for another, more docile axolotl - but I said NO WAY!!! He is my beloved little pet! There is no way I could just give him away! I was thinking that I might have to get him another tank, though. lol - a divider will be a lot easier and cheaper! I think I will be able to get one from Bunnings tomorrow (just a piece of Perspex cut to size, and with holes for water to flow through) =D.
Also today, I started researching mobility scooters. I think it would be so awesome to be able to go to the shops on my own, and to have some independence! Apparently, I might even get some of the cost paid for by the government because it is a disability aid. I don't understand why it is so hard to find out about those kinds of schemes and other support services!
Anyways, on my holiday, I missed all the people whom I usually talk to online SO MUCH! It is good to be home again, and with reliable internet!
~Adrielle =)
Today, we had to go to the aquarium shop and ask about the finer points of fungal treatment. I also asked about my axolotls. I had some issues with Almondy (my bigger boy axolotl) harassing my princess Artemis (who is smaller and black and white). Apparently, I can put a divider in the tank at night (when the bullying is occurring) to keep my princess safe. The shop offered to swap Almondy for another, more docile axolotl - but I said NO WAY!!! He is my beloved little pet! There is no way I could just give him away! I was thinking that I might have to get him another tank, though. lol - a divider will be a lot easier and cheaper! I think I will be able to get one from Bunnings tomorrow (just a piece of Perspex cut to size, and with holes for water to flow through) =D.
Also today, I started researching mobility scooters. I think it would be so awesome to be able to go to the shops on my own, and to have some independence! Apparently, I might even get some of the cost paid for by the government because it is a disability aid. I don't understand why it is so hard to find out about those kinds of schemes and other support services!
Anyways, on my holiday, I missed all the people whom I usually talk to online SO MUCH! It is good to be home again, and with reliable internet!
~Adrielle =)
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Aquarium!!!
Today, Ellenya and I went to the Aquarium! Ellenya pushed me in my wheelchair for the whole day - I am so grateful, because I never would have been able to go with my ME/CFS otherwise! We caught the train to the city, and only had to walk a couple of blocks to get there.
Elle and I loved all of the animals (espcially the turtles, axolotls, serverums, silversharks, angelfish and penguins!!!) and bought lots of souveniers to remember our journey by (the plush turtle on the left is Ellenya's. I got the penguin necklace (pictured below), a pink penguin-themed beanie, and the jellyfish that is pictured, as well as a glass penguin. We got Kecapmanis a glass penguin and a creepy as photo of me looking evil and Elle looking nice!)
After the Aquarium, we wandered over the bridge to the Casino to look for somewhere to have lunch. Everywhere was way too posh and expensive for us, and then we got stuck in this nightmare elevator that was possibly supposed to be marked "staff only". Elle pressed a button marked "M" which apparently stands for "meant to not be here" - it took us to a busy kitchen.... Quickly, Elle pounded the close doors button, and then pressed "1"... The doors opened onto a catacombish tunnel with a mop in an old rusty bucket! Just when we thought we were trapped, we got back to where we had started! lol =D We then decided to go back across the bridge and look for somewhere to eat over there.
Eventually, we ended up at Krispy Kreme doughnuts =D (after a slight uphill detour through what turned out to be the gentleman's district :S). After sitting in the doughnut shop for a while to recouperate from the long uphill walk (for poor Elle - lol!) we went back to the train station and got Hungry Jacks - for the third time this week! Since our Hungry Jack's at home burned down, we thought we may as well have it here because we could - and also - we knew where it was! Elle fed the pigeons...
After lunch, we decided to explore what was upstairs at the station, since we had never been up there before. While doing so, we bought some ice-cream, and missed our train. So then there was time to go to the lolly shop! We figured we would just get the next train... only we ended up getting on the wrong train - because the sign that said which train was pulling into the platform was wrong. We smsed and told Kecap that we would be late coz we had gotten on the wrong train, and of course she panicked. We switched trains at the next station, though, so it all worked out for the best =D. Now we are back here, totally dead tired. There are doughnuts in the kitchen that I am too tired to eat - but I will eventually enjoy them! =D Today was a pretty great day!
~Adrielle =)
Elle and I loved all of the animals (espcially the turtles, axolotls, serverums, silversharks, angelfish and penguins!!!) and bought lots of souveniers to remember our journey by (the plush turtle on the left is Ellenya's. I got the penguin necklace (pictured below), a pink penguin-themed beanie, and the jellyfish that is pictured, as well as a glass penguin. We got Kecapmanis a glass penguin and a creepy as photo of me looking evil and Elle looking nice!)
After the Aquarium, we wandered over the bridge to the Casino to look for somewhere to have lunch. Everywhere was way too posh and expensive for us, and then we got stuck in this nightmare elevator that was possibly supposed to be marked "staff only". Elle pressed a button marked "M" which apparently stands for "meant to not be here" - it took us to a busy kitchen.... Quickly, Elle pounded the close doors button, and then pressed "1"... The doors opened onto a catacombish tunnel with a mop in an old rusty bucket! Just when we thought we were trapped, we got back to where we had started! lol =D We then decided to go back across the bridge and look for somewhere to eat over there.
Eventually, we ended up at Krispy Kreme doughnuts =D (after a slight uphill detour through what turned out to be the gentleman's district :S). After sitting in the doughnut shop for a while to recouperate from the long uphill walk (for poor Elle - lol!) we went back to the train station and got Hungry Jacks - for the third time this week! Since our Hungry Jack's at home burned down, we thought we may as well have it here because we could - and also - we knew where it was! Elle fed the pigeons...
After lunch, we decided to explore what was upstairs at the station, since we had never been up there before. While doing so, we bought some ice-cream, and missed our train. So then there was time to go to the lolly shop! We figured we would just get the next train... only we ended up getting on the wrong train - because the sign that said which train was pulling into the platform was wrong. We smsed and told Kecap that we would be late coz we had gotten on the wrong train, and of course she panicked. We switched trains at the next station, though, so it all worked out for the best =D. Now we are back here, totally dead tired. There are doughnuts in the kitchen that I am too tired to eat - but I will eventually enjoy them! =D Today was a pretty great day!
~Adrielle =)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Day 2 of Our Holiday!
Today I felt a bit better. I guess I am finally recovering from the trip down! I didn't have to sleep all day today (only some of the day, lol :) We went shopping and to Hungry Jacks for lunch =D, and I got some hair clips and head bands and stuff, and a t-shirt and some coloured pencils (I left mine at home and there is only so much drawing you can do with coloured fine liners). I also got these gorgeous hand-painted porcelain elephants (I collect elephant ornaments - I have a rather large collection at home!) Elle and I have one small one each, and I got a larger one as well. They were just too pretty! I have never seen any like that before!
Also today I got an email from Apple saying that my iPad is coming in June =D. I am pretty excited about that! Hehe =D And Tomorrow, Ellenya and I are going to the Aquarium! I can't wait! =D =D =D
~Adrielle =)
Also today I got an email from Apple saying that my iPad is coming in June =D. I am pretty excited about that! Hehe =D And Tomorrow, Ellenya and I are going to the Aquarium! I can't wait! =D =D =D
~Adrielle =)
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